countries that are simply hypothetical or impossible

"In the plausible intimacy of approaching evening, as I stand waiting for the stars to begin at the window of this fourth floor room that looks out on the infinite, my dreams move to the rhythm required by long journeys to countries as yet unknown, or to countries that are simply hypothetical or impossible." - The Book of Disquiet, Fernando Pessoa

It's funny when people tell me that I'm naive. My first internal response is always, "Oh gosh! If they only knew me in secondary school". Perhaps, everyone was idealistic in secondary school, but reading my blogs in secondary school and junior college even I want to laugh and hug myself. I sometimes worry that my younger self will be disappointed in me.

I feel the great need to tell everybody to love love love and dare dare dare. I hate seeing people tired and worn out and weary and becoming disaffected and disinterested. Because i hate seeing my soul come out real life in all these people's faces. We must clutch on tight to our hopes.

Oh, everything is so fragile these days that when somebody turned and told me, "crystal, i think i can never be as idealistic as you", it went right into my heart and stayed there.

I'm scared one day my naive words would become signposts, signposts in a foreign country.

Words i no longer understand and unable to guide me to the places i want to go to.

But now, they are my signposts. And i own them.

So, love.

- 2006

Even stranger, when I was seventeen I said, "Young love have a whole future to live up to, and old love a whole past." You were so right, my dear.