I've missed you

Falling in love is easy. It's commitment that is difficult. Maybe some people believe in a laissez faire kind of market for love - if at that point of time, you are willing to give and someone is willing to receive, why not? Love is a service, a commercial transaction, easily purchased brand new. But for me, there is always only One. I think love is 1/3 part memory, 1/3 part reality and 1/3 part imagination. We are starting the third year of our relationship and we can't turn back time - we can't go back to the moment, where we were strangers, tenderly and clumsily moving towards each other in the dark, where every word you said was a gift and every bit you shared of yourself was light.

Light that re-oriented my life. Every part of you that was like me made me fall deeper, every other part of you that was not like me made me intrigued. And most of all, all those parts of you that understood the strange parts of me, felt like a reason for their existence.

I remember how the first time you touched my ears. They burned.

Just last saturday, you made my heart moved again. I had left food in my bag and there were fruit flies. But you, as always, you took the bag and cleaned it. You cleaned it with such detail and focus, with such eloquence - you who was never good with words, only actions, spoke volumes. I know why you put such effort, you were scared any nasty eggs will turn into nasty creatures and eat me up. Or simply, you just always gave your all when it came to me.

I've missed you. You say all the right things to me, but words just aren't your thing. I try not to idealise. But, every now and then, when I'm feeling low, I'll think back to when we first met. I miss you knocking on my window to call me for breakfast or anything you want to call me (knocks beat technology). I miss you walking with me even though you have a bicycle because my bicycle got stolen. I miss you buying kebabs for me when I'm too lazy to feed myself. I miss us in supermarkets. I miss our tuesday ribs. I miss the extremely fat rabbits and chickens on our way to the supermarket. I miss your backpack. I miss your addiction to Coke. I sometimes miss reading maps. I miss you buying me flowers. I miss the owl I drew for you in your room. I miss the shirts you threw away. I miss Orange and how warm she makes us feel of humanity. I miss my overly expensive fake sushi and banana orange juice. I miss the vintage postcard store. I miss the giant pancake buffet I never got to eat with you. I miss fighting with you every thursday morning.

No matter how off the track we go, we always return to the first time we missed our train. We trudged back to my room, waiting for the second train, hours away. Our bags all strewn on the floor. Our boots all tied up and ready to go. I had knocked my lips against the door in the rush to get ready and it was cut and slightly bleeding. We looked a mess. I smiled at you, "Two of us against the world". From then on, everytime we hit a bump, either one of us will say it to each other. And I know, it'll always be you. And you, you will always choose me.